The voices in my head say you have a mental problem.

When life hands you lemons throw them at someone!

Not all men are fools, Some are single.

You are the kind of person that is a blueprint for the making of an idiot.

I'm a vegetarian by choice - I don't love animals, I just hate vegetables.

Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.

Happiness is seeing my ex-husband's picture on the back of a milk carton!

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; give him a freshly-charged electric eel and chances are he won't bother you for anything ever again.

I never get lost, everybody tells me where to go.

Eat beef, the west was not won by chickens!

Raising kids is like having your eyes pecked out by hungry hens!

The way to avoid certain failure? Stay in bed!

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?